My Fear for My Kindergartener
My oldest son heads to kindergarten in the first week of September. Which as a mother, brings me a whole new plethora of fear and anxiety. Especially considering for my first roughly eight years in public school I was picked on and bullied.
Yup, I was the little girl that was bullied by my classmates. Hell I still am bullied today, but that is just a whole other story in itself. If it wasn’t about my clothes from Bradlee’s, it was about my payless shoes. When the clothes were no longer an issue, it was my braces. When my braces weren’t an issue anymore it was the people I chose to hang around with. No matter what I couldn’t win until I somehow ended up hanging with the “cool” high school kids when I was in 8th grade.
From that point out everyone in school wanted to be my new BFF. Unfortunately for them, I remembered all the fucking mean ass comments they made over the years and did my best to politely tell them to take a long walk off of a short pier.
Now that my oldest son is entering the sometimes cruel world of public school, I worry about the same thing. While doing our back to school shopping, I find myself asking… “Are the other kids in his class going to think this outfit is “cool”?” or “Will he fit in with these shoes?”
Something that should be the least of my concerns, but they are what I worry about most because of my own past.
The reality of it all is, as parents we do our best to provide for our kids. I know my parents did when I was growing up. But corners were cut. It was the reality of being able to have my mother stay at home with me.
Will Carters, and Osh Kosh, and Target cut it for clothes? Will the kids make fun of him? I really hope not, because as someone with a past so rich in bullying, I don’t think it would be possible for me to keep my composure while dealing with it. Even though I know I can’t let my own feelings towards the assholes who bullies me come to the surface.
It is just so sad that as a society we still have just as much bullying today, as we did twenty-something years ago when I was in elementary school.